I Like Men

I'm sitting in class and my friend and I are having a conversation. Somehow it gets on the topic of homosexuals. "They just flaunt it." she said. "They just like to shock everyone with how gay they are." I mentally rolled my eyes. I wanted to ask her if I or the two guys a couple rows ahead who have been setting off my gaydar all term flaunt it too much. She continued, "I read this article that said that homosexuality is the most extreme degree of selfishness and I agree with it." Oh my gosh, you found the cure! Thank goodness! All I have to do is be less selfish and it will all go away!

As annoyed as I was at my friend's comments, could I really blame her? The average Latter-day Saints view of homosexuals comes from stereotypes that the loud and proud gay puts on display for the whole world to see. I have come to hate stereotypical gay culture. It's obnoxious, shallow, and so glittery. You have a right to like Madonna and wear pink polos with the collars popped and do music theatre, it's not that, it's just an attitude I guess. And when the only gay people see on TV are naked gay pride paraders, child molesters, and the token gay guy in a teen movie, or course their views will be slanted.

The same way that its good for people to have Mormon neighbors, friends, and co-workers to realize that we really aren't that weird, Mormons need to have gay neighbors, friends, and co-workers. Would my friend's view of homosexuals change if she knew I was one? I hope so. Either that or her view of me would change. I promise I'm not that self absorbed and I won't rape your little boys.

Anyways, life has been good and confusing the past month. I've been on dates with both guys and girls. I have a tendency to lead people on, often without realizing it. I think part of it is just me unconsciously fully enjoying the fact that I am no longer putting my heart out on the highway and watching it get run over by a truck. Having guys come after me is the most thrilling thing; I love it. I just don't want to break hearts and make enemies and I don't want to have sex.

I was so close to writing my parents an e-mail telling them where I am in life. At the last second I chickened out. If I told them that I am friend with other gay guys at BYU they would freak out. If they found out that I've kissed some, they would die. When they eventually ask me about my search for a wife, I'll be honest. I've given it a shot, I still haven't given up, but I'm getting sick of it. Dating girls is more of a chore than fun. What would marriage be like then?