Sunday, April 20, 2008

I love Mormons. Whenever I see anyone from my ward or stake it makes me happy. I love going to church on Sunday and say hi to everyone and hear five different people give a talk or teach a lesson and they all bear their testimony. They are all united in what they believe but they each got to that point indiviually. My favorite thing about teaching as a missionary was being able to say, I know this is true for myself, but don't take my word for it, go ask God . It's amazing! I know of no other church that has so much confidence in its doctrine. It also just makes sense. Man can lie and manipulate, but God, God only tell us the truth.

Beyond doctrinal religion, there is practical religion. While the rest of the world decends further into selfishness and immorality, the Latter-day Saints are having strong families and raising their kids with the expectation that they work hard and so something with their life. Hearing that the Mormons are the first to send aid to disasters of any kind isn't a surprise at all because its apart of who we are. How on Earth do you get dozens of men to go help someone they don't even know move into a new house on a Saturday morning? The ideas of service and friendship are encoded into our DNA.

We're not perfect though. As a people, we have our flaws, but the thing is, we're trying. It's beautiful to see the goodness of the Gospel at work. Normal everyday people changed by something bigger than themselves. Changed by God, changed by Christ, changed by a prayer made by a confused 14 year old boy, changed by the Spirit that has touched them in a way they needed it to. There is no other people quite like the Latter-day Saints.

Every Sunday I am reminded by all of this and I'm happy to be at church. Then I have to go to work and it doesn't feel like a Sunday at all and as I bang away at a cash register I wish I was at a fireside but that's besides the point. I love this and I don't want to leave it. Can I have both my spirituality and my sexuality?

My mom said yesterday that I need to start dating but I have no desire to date. Not girls anyway. I do want a boyfriend so bad though. I don't know where I'd go to find one. The internet? A gay bar? Those ideas scare me because I feel like all the boys I'd find there would want to get drunk and have sex. That's what Travis went off and did. I decided I'm going to wait until I get back to the Y and hopefully find someone who wants both their spirituality and sexuality too. Maybe that someone will be Lance. By the way, he's not left handed, but hey, neither am I.


-L- said...

There are plenty of really nice guys to date who won't just be crazy predator types. I met some really normal nice guys at a gay bar and I've met both nice guys and insane crazy types on the internet. But, the trick is, if you date guys at all, you'll fall in love with one, and then, you'll have already made a de facto decision about the church. It will be curtains for that life and you'll then be trying to work out the way to ease your family into this new way of viewing you, etc., and you'll pull it all off. At least, that all could happen, but I hope you'll just follow the good advice to not date at all. Follow the advice from the God Loveth His Children pamphlet. It's good stuff.

I know you're not asking for advice, but it hurts me time after time to see people start blogging with a testimony and then have it dry up as they associate with people who are really nice and in a similar situation, but who are deeply mistaken about how to best deal with this issue.

So, that's why I write even though I don't know you and don't know if you'll take my advice to be obnoxious. But I can feel you when you write and I love you and I'm just saying what I would say if I knew you in person.

All the best.

October Rising said...

"I do want a boyfriend so bad though. I don't know where I'd go to find one. The internet? A gay bar?"

I'm in the exact same predicament.

Something I Can't Define said...

Thanks. I need all the advice I can get right now.

Chase said...

I know you're not asking for advice, but it hurts me time after time to see people start blogging with a testimony and then have it dry up as they associate with people who are really nice and in a similar situation, but who are deeply mistaken about how to best deal with this issue.
Well I am for sure one of those who are "deeply mistaken." It is funny how we all have to know that our way is the right way. That we have to look at others and pity them for the choices they are making because they are "wrong." Here is the thing homosexuality especially referring to how the way the LDS faith handles it is not a black and white issue. And anyone who tries to make it that does not live in reality. You have God and Love. To great and amazing things. To things that in most peoples life is allowed to work in harmony and strengthen one another. However, for homosexuals this is not the case.
To be completely honest i found God Loveth His Children to be a joke. An insulting joke at that. Are you kidding me? Decades of almost absolute silence and that is what they give us. The Prophet can find time to talk about earrings in conference however when it comes to something that is causes bodies to literally pile up there is almost complete silence. The pamphlet is now used whenever a church leader gets a real question about homosexuality. Uhh... you should refer to previous material. At least they could say I dont know.
A few months ago my bishop walked me out of his office after a chat and told me, "I wish the Prophet would make same gender attraction a matter of sincere prayer. I wish he would get on his knees tomorrow and not get up until he received an answer. But that probably is not going to happen. You just need to find a place where you can be happy and still close to God."
That i believe is the answer. It is not the same place for us all. Some might find ourselves out of the church while others remain behind. There is no right answer. You have to find you own place. And that is an adventure worth taking.

elbow said...

I really enjoy your blog. Your honesty and earnest desires for good and happiness are very real.

I can tell you that you need to listen to your heart as generic as that sounds, you have a message written on your heart...what does it say? You don't have to read it now or even act on what is says, but don't ever hide from what your real true desires are. Be good and honest and true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

I'm here for you man.

A CROW'S VIEW said...

First I of all I think the attitude that some people speak about the council of the brethren on this topic show where they are in their progression. When we start to see what the Prophet says as a joke, I think it shows that we have separated ourselves from the spirit.

We need to be careful not to judge these people to harshly and never condemn them because they may be motivated by heart. But choosing not to heed their misguided advice isn't judging them.

The pamphlet is inspired. I read it and was in tears when it was over. I could feel the love of the brethren in it. They do care.

I think we need to be careful when we start to think that our struggle makes us an expectation to the rules. That we are excused from things or that there is a different level of morality. I also think when we start to see pro gospel council as a joke and become offended by anyone who gives it, I think we know who is motiving us.

Be careful. Lock your hear. Isolate yourself. Don't let your fears rule you. You know whats true. If you need a friend please write me. You can get my info from my blog. I'd love to be your friend. Its easier to hold to the rod if you have a friend who understands next to you.