Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I Like Men

I'm sitting in class and my friend and I are having a conversation. Somehow it gets on the topic of homosexuals. "They just flaunt it." she said. "They just like to shock everyone with how gay they are." I mentally rolled my eyes. I wanted to ask her if I or the two guys a couple rows ahead who have been setting off my gaydar all term flaunt it too much. She continued, "I read this article that said that homosexuality is the most extreme degree of selfishness and I agree with it." Oh my gosh, you found the cure! Thank goodness! All I have to do is be less selfish and it will all go away!

As annoyed as I was at my friend's comments, could I really blame her? The average Latter-day Saints view of homosexuals comes from stereotypes that the loud and proud gay puts on display for the whole world to see. I have come to hate stereotypical gay culture. It's obnoxious, shallow, and so glittery. You have a right to like Madonna and wear pink polos with the collars popped and do music theatre, it's not that, it's just an attitude I guess. And when the only gay people see on TV are naked gay pride paraders, child molesters, and the token gay guy in a teen movie, or course their views will be slanted.

The same way that its good for people to have Mormon neighbors, friends, and co-workers to realize that we really aren't that weird, Mormons need to have gay neighbors, friends, and co-workers. Would my friend's view of homosexuals change if she knew I was one? I hope so. Either that or her view of me would change. I promise I'm not that self absorbed and I won't rape your little boys.

Anyways, life has been good and confusing the past month. I've been on dates with both guys and girls. I have a tendency to lead people on, often without realizing it. I think part of it is just me unconsciously fully enjoying the fact that I am no longer putting my heart out on the highway and watching it get run over by a truck. Having guys come after me is the most thrilling thing; I love it. I just don't want to break hearts and make enemies and I don't want to have sex.

I was so close to writing my parents an e-mail telling them where I am in life. At the last second I chickened out. If I told them that I am friend with other gay guys at BYU they would freak out. If they found out that I've kissed some, they would die. When they eventually ask me about my search for a wife, I'll be honest. I've given it a shot, I still haven't given up, but I'm getting sick of it. Dating girls is more of a chore than fun. What would marriage be like then?


Kengo Biddles said...

Any married person will tell you that a long-term relationship isn't easy. It does take work.

But that's not what I was going to comment about...I agree with us needing to show examples to those around us so that they learn that the selfish-gay stereotype, while true in some cases, is not true in ours.

Anonymous said...

I agree. I often wonder how people in my classes or work would treat me if they knew I was Gay. I was talking with my best friend and I tried to emphasis that just because one is gay does not mean we do drugs, sleep around, or go clubbing all night. I hate stereotypes. I know who I am and have enough self confidence that I don't need all that stuff to define me.

Romulus said...

So very true. I am annoyed at people's stereotypes, but the publicized gay population doesn't help us. Nevertheless, that doesn't force everyone to believe that stereotype. It'll be a good long while before attitudes change on both sides.

Z i n j said...

not wise to ever tell anyone

Pancakes said...

I can remember when my trust was broken and it was let out that I was gay and in a relationship with another guy from my school. I had heard what people thought of gays before they knew I was, even my best friends views that were negative. I was terrified.

Thankfully, it wasn't at all what I expected. I literally saw hundrededs of peoples views on gays change or alter, even in the slightest degree. They began to stop thinking about the stereotypical gay, but the fact that everyday people, such as myself, may be gay. Only two people out of three cities, ever said anything negative about me being gay. The rest, came to my house over two months and made sure I was okay and to know that I was loved.

I hope and pray if you ever come out, it is similar to my experience.